There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
