if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
