chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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