You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
