actually, I'm a sock model
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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