dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
