What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize