I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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