I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
