Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize