Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he puts the penis in happiness.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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