No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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