It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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