he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
