Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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