my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
