They should really pass out barf bags in church
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
