She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
