i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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