I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
