am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
