I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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