This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
