I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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