everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
