D3 body, D1 cock
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize