i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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