then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
