I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
