I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
