I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize