dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
