Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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