So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize