porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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