I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
