playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
