Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
