You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
