K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
