hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
