It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
