So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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