is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize