Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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