Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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