I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
