this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
