I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
