I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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