So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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