He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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