If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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