Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
