At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
birth control should be required to get into college
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize