can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think a kid would responsible me up
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
