There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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