New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
