I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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