I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
