I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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