You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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