I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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