I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
