Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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